Apnea Monitor

This is the apnea monitor that Tucker was sent home with from the hosptial. He had to come home with it because he needs his daily caffeine to help reduce his apnea spells, where his breathing slows or stops.

Tonight was a bad night with the monitor. We had one false alarm because it sounded that he wasn't breathing but I was holding him and could feel him breathing. The second was during his feeding which is when most of the episodes happen. I know the monitor is going to sound before it does when he is eating because I am watching him like a hawk and can see him slow his breathing. Holding him during his feeding tonight I just started crying. Having the monitor at home is a daily reminder that he was born 10 weeks early. It is hard for me not to think that it was my body's fault, not a very good feeling,  that he was born 10 weeks early and therefore had to be put on his caffeine and the monitor.  It is a struggle to go anywhere with him and his monitor. I just want to be able to carry my baby into the kitchen with me to fix his bottle when he is screaming but I'd have to unplug the monitor from the wall and carry it with me. Many days I just stay at home because it is such a long process to get everything in the car with his monitor and in and out of the car at stores.

The monitor company came and did his first download last week and it showed that it had gone off 42 times since he had been home. I do not however recall it going off that many times. I am now writing it on the calendar and what he was doing when it went off. We are waiting on the doctor to find out what she learned from the analyzed data and since we are pretty sure that he has outgrown his caffeine dose we are waiting to find out what our next step is.  The last visit she said that she would want him to go a whole month without any episodes before it goes away.

So for the time being we are stuck with our monitor. I am trying really hard to have a more positive atttitude towards having it here with us.